That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
