It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
