I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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