Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
