Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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