i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
