Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
