How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
