Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
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Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
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Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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