6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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