I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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