just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
