I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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