i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
