yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
