I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
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