I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
