Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My room smells like vodka and shame
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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