i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
