he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
