I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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