the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?