saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
