i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
