I don't usually arrange sex via text message
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.