god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
