He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
