My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
