How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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