Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
