I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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