man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
