I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
