dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
