Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This is classic penis vs brain.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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