i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
