Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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