I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
