I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
