So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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