it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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