First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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