Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
