Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
