I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
