I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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