If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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