Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
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