Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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