the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
