You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
