she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
