Cold hands, warm shart.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Randomize
