My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
