I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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