I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
