My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
