literally had 100 drinks last night.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
