Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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