I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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