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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.

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  21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (860): View more from Connecticut

  So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?

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• (226): View more from Ontario

  I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.

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• 

  23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (201): View more from New Jersey

  i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow

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• (518): View more from New York

  I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush

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• (310): View more from California

  The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.

  (512): View more from Texas

  did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.

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