This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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