she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just found the deal breaker
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.