You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
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There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.