Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.

  (352): View more from Florida

  WHAT?!

  (407): View more from Florida

  He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.

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  (407): So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch. (352): WHAT?! (407): He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking. http://tfl.nu/9qqv
  Replies (6) Good night (698) Bad night (2400)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  yo im tryna cop a beej tonight

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  (610): yo im tryna cop a beej tonight http://tfl.nu/fc5c
  Replies (24) Good night (2618) Bad night (809)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.

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  (205): This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone. http://tfl.nu/jtsj
  Replies (28) Good night (543) Bad night (4926)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair

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  (517): Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair http://tfl.nu/ktbm
  Replies (10) Good night (870) Bad night (8045)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?

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  (203): If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him? http://tfl.nu/p8ua
  Replies (8) Good night (3783) Bad night (932)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.

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  (570): Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage. http://tfl.nu/7s6f
  Replies (12) Good night (4358) Bad night (957)
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  (435): View more from Utah

  i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.

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  (435): i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down. http://tfl.nu/j1eb
  Replies (16) Good night (1178) Bad night (3267)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl

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  (250): i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl http://tfl.nu/d9d2
  Replies (3) Good night (826) Bad night (2368)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden

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  (770): How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden http://tfl.nu/1f55
  Replies (10) Good night (3820) Bad night (1019)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.

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  (610): Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud. http://tfl.nu/pb1f
  Replies (8) Good night (2401) Bad night (728)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  He makes me want to shower. It must be love.

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  (406): He makes me want to shower. It must be love. http://tfl.nu/y7mq
  Replies (4) Good night (769) Bad night (950)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.

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  (314): My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done. http://tfl.nu/u7ub
  Replies (1) Good night (760) Bad night (252)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily

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  (815): And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily http://tfl.nu/5rme
  Replies (2) Good night (523) Bad night (235)
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  (909): View more from California

  Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.

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  (909): Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now. http://tfl.nu/xh05
  Replies (1) Good night (612) Bad night (235)
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  (408): View more from California

  If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical

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  (408): If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical http://tfl.nu/decu
  Replies (0) Good night (471) Bad night (202)

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