hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.