wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
