im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
