pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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