i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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