Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
