Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
