i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
